STUMPS-Moores Musings
| by Mr "Hoppy" Bond |
Right, here we go, let the war begin.....
With both Breakers sides missing the finals again (to this years victors: see you at the winners podium in 2007 and polish our silverware for us please), it was time for the annual Battle of Brookvale, MBCC B3 Mustards v MBCC C1 Hills.
Oddly enough "the Battle" did not take place at Brookvale Oval, rather at Tania Park (Toilet End). Since the Battle of Hastings in 1066 actually took place a few miles away from that County, this simply continues a great tradition of historical fact twisting.
Celebrity umpire (and Jimmy's idol) Chuck Norris could not attend, due to a prior arrangement of being "as far away from Iraq as possible". Nor were there any Pelicans present. On the poistive side, there were no Sprangers either.
As those who know the ground would realise, describing the weather at Tania is pretty pointless since it is almost always four seasons in one day. Still, for the record, the start was sunny and fine, and the sunny MBCC souls trying to exercise off last night's St Pats Day "food" (Guiness qualifies as food) were:
B3's - The Mustards XII
1. Robert "Legoman" Lavery (c) 2. Ian "Filthy" North (vc) 3. Dylan "EMW" Calder 4. Matthew "The Fish" Fisher 5. Douglas "Vaseline" Alley 6. Lloyd "Mittens" Walker 7. Richard "Boof" Smith 8. Chris "Fopper" Sweet 9. Al "Flopsy" Lemarchand 10. Robert "Cutters" Herne 11. Oli "Temerity" Thomas 12. Roger "007" Moore |
C1's - The Hill's XII
1. Mark Hill (c) 2. Justin Barbaroux (vc) 3. Chris Kettlewell 4. Dave Hore 5. Wayne Gormley 6. Dave Richardson 7. Rob Spit 8. Matt Gale 9. Stuart Hill 10. Peter Schuetze 11. David Lang 12. Matt Phillips |
No idea who won the coin toss, however 'twas the Hill's XII who got to sink a few beers and plot tactics in the shade while the Mustards took to the field. Before hand, there was time for Dylan Calder to do his best impression of a boxer (apparel, not deeds - don't worry Sophie!), and, unbelievably, for Big Al NOT to be the last to arrive for the second time in three weeks.
Last week's opening pair of Kettlewell and Richo (Dave) started up for the C1's, too closely for that team's comfort followed by Stuart "Brother of" Hill and Justin Barbaroux after Ian North's well disguised deliveries removed them and left him with the impressive figures of 2-9. In the interest of honesty, much of the "disguise" was not a cunning slower ball or temerity corridor line, but the absence of Northy's usual Dennis Lillie headband. Northy simply resorted to speed. (I am expecting a cheque for this write up, Filthy).
Stuart (20) and Justin promptly settled C1 nerves around the esky with a fine stand. Justin, once again the C1s batting rock, inveitably reached his retirement
age innings of 30 and headed back to the pravillion for a well earned rest.
In the mean time, Richo (Richard "Boof" Smith) demonstrated, with a sharp slip catch and some fine bowling, that after years of experiments (wine, not beer, this time) he has found the magic Cricket Elixier. Would it last until he batted? Could he hear the Nobel Prize for Chemistry that eluded such luminaries as Charlie Francis?
Discovering their catching ability that was AWOL for much of the season, and returned in the last match, the Mustards made regular inroads into the batting, Lloyd Walker taking 2-5 and Cutters Herne 2-6 Needless to say, both were fairly chripy about their achievement, and cries of "tight like fire" - as indeed the bowling was - floated round the ground. Could this be a early finish to rival the just completed Test match? (Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi....)
As he tends to do in Presies Cup games, Mark "Hilly" Hill took his net form into the middle, stroking his side to a defendable score with his 29. His innings was interupted by a lost German tourist who
wandered through the field looking for the ocean, the worst navigation since Richo's last night out. Said tourist was somewhat confused at the reaction to this navigational stuff-up (the worst for Germany since the infamous "U-Boat Buck's Party" incident of 1942). The last time he had heard profanity while promoting Australia was from a bikini clad model on a beach. We won't mention names (Chris Sweet).
No Unit points either to the families picnicing on the boundry who shot wounded looks after near woundings from suxes and fours struck to the short boundry..
The B3s total of
It was then time to head to the main event - the barbi and esky, the latter of which the parched B3s was pleased to note was not yet empty. The teams vegetarians, Lloyd and Rog, also were relived to find non animal snags on the barbi - well done the chefs, whomever you were.
With some reluctance, the chasing of the ball of string on the paddock (ie cricket) had to resume. Richard Smith and Big Al Lemarchand (!) strode out to open for the B3s. Boof, somewhat
worried his chemical elxier would have worn off, survived the impressive opening spell from C1's best bowler Dave Hore. He then proceeded to bash his way to 30, retire to the shade, and show his caring side by helping take care of some adondoned beers until their owners returned.
With B3s Superstar Chris Sweet coming out to bat all those on the boundry fled for cover, and those at over and near the bat were sent ot the boundry. Standing firm though, in fine Shineboner Spirit, was Glen Archer Wayne Gormley. (I expect a cheque, Gromers).
In last year's Pressie Cup, Gronmers had flicked the ball onto the stumps to run Chris out first ball. This year, he simply took a great catch at square leg, leaving everyone open jawed and calling Hanise to check if he'd put on bets for any golden ducks - except for Gormers, who had predicted it, and the bowler who repeat the story for decades. Unusally Neill Finn, that eruide Kiwi, has got it wrong - history, indeed, had repeated.
Chris showed great humility at this turn of events (and decided to join Richo in his custody of orphans). The C1s, having borrowed "Temerity" from the Mustards, were now giving it back with interest.
Subsequent events gave B3s had a scent of victory. Or maybe it was some over cooked snags on the barbi. Departured were Al (18) and Northy (7), and, unbelievably, Rog Moore injured again and retiring hurt with a torn hamstring (after batting like a man trying to swot away flies). Rob Spit(?) had lead the way back for C1s with a spell of 2-5. It seemed the season long problem of chasing scores was about to strike again, and that Boof and Mr Bond may have to reluctantly resume their innings'.
The final twist in the tale came when Doug Alley (33*) and Oli Thomas (30*) relieved their fine stand against the Long Reefer Sprangers. There were no storms this time to stop them. Not that C1s would have been deterred by them, as those who would recall another intra-club battle in the rain a few years back. Breakers are Units, not Sprangers. By the time Ollie and Doug had retired, B3s were on the edge of victory.
Man for the crisis Robbie Herne, who had hit a last ball match winning sux at the same ground a few years back, departed for 4. Mark Hill, by now off his reduced run up, and finally getting a scalp after a long day in the field. That left Dylan Calder to hit the winning runs in front of his girlfriend Sophie, assisted by Lloyd "Mittens" Walker, the latter
so relaxed about it he batted without contact lenses (OK, he had forgottten them - it sounds more temeritous to claim it was delibrate however).
As a reward for his excellent all round match, Richard Smith ("Boof", in case you haven't guessed) was awarded the Man of The Match and took carefull possession of the slab of Boags. In the foreground, Captain Hill and Deputy Captain Fisher presented dinigifed speaches (which got a bit worthy, so Northy produced Brett Lee impresonation to give some colour). Then, twas off to the quiz night.....
Well done to Fish, Hilly and Langy (and others I may have missed) in setting up another great day, congrats to the players, and "thank you" to our spectators and fans!
(Partial) Scores:
MBCC C1 Hilly XII 148/11 (Kettlewell 12, Richardson 5, S.Hill 20, Barbaroux 30* ret, Gormely 1, Hore 7, Spit 7, M.Hill 29, Phillips 3, Lang 5*, Schuetze 0, Gale 0*)
lost to MBCC B3 Mustards 157/4 (Smith 30* ret, Lemarchand 18, C.Sweet 0, North 10, Thomas 30* ret, Moore 3* ret hurt, Alley 33* ret, Herne 4, Calder 7*, Walker 1*, Spit 2-5)
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